New York Times, May 6, 2007States Ponder Laws to Keep Web Predators From Children, By Jennifer MedinaHARTFORD, May 4 — Nearly every American teenager, it seems, has a Web page displaying his or her life details. And nearly every parent has nightmares that someone might visit those pages, easily discovering where the children live and what they like.
This lead opens the imagination of the reader to an article, which will so call be about the Internet and the dangers children face there. The article takes a particular twist that leaves the reader in the end in state of “AH!” First it scares the reader with a couple of arrests made by the FBI against sexual predators. It explains literally the criminal violations committed by these predators on children. After all this, it goes to explain the propose law the attorney general of Connecticut Richard Blumenthal and other politicians of Connecticut are trying to pass to protect children in the Internet.
The article goes on a moral crusade to villainies the politicians and their new law. The rest of the article tries to explain what the law is without gibing details and how it can hurt the public. It also tries to explain how it may also help the children from themselves.
This article focused more on Mr. Blumenthal and Roy Cooper, the North Carolina attorney general, both Democrats, who feel they will protect the youth from predators and themselves. It evens ends with a quote from the leader of the opposing political side State Senator Andrew J. McDonald, a Democrat who is trying to veto the proposal.
This article thus informative did not keep its focus on the children but focus on the politicians and their laws. The writer should of open up with, In Connecticut, Internet-Child bill moves smoothly through committees and is awaiting a full legislature vote and similar proposals have been introduced by state lawmakers in New York and Georgia to protect our children from predators in the Internet.
New York Post May 7, 2007 No Mercy For Shot Girl Terrified Kid, 12, Sent Into Gunfight By Joe Mollica, C.J. Sullivan and Leonard GreeneMay 7, 2007 -- A 12-year-old girl was shot in the back after she tried to take refuge in a doorway - with bullets flying outside a rowdy Bronx party - and was turned back onto the street by an angry resident, police and witnesses said yesterday.
The article stays true to its lead about half way through and then it starts to ramble and takes explanations from eyewitnesses, friends and even Police Commissioner Ray Kelly. The article should of being about the person who turned his or her back on the teens. Who was this person who kicked her out as the gun fight was partaking out side? This is the question asked by the title and not being answer by the article.
Taking the story back to the party or even writing about the aledge gang member is irrelevant to this story. The lead is not youth was shot down by gang member in the Bronx, but she was thrown out of building.
The information of the members of a gang called Dominicans Don't Play is disputable and is not confirmed by sources of the NYPD. This information should be written with a reliable source to confirm it. Also the incidents that happened 18 months ago that fatally gunned down another youth is immaterial to this case or article and there is nothing or little to do with this lead. The person who needs to be identified is not identified or what they said to push the teens out quoted. The story needs to focus on the resident that showed no mercy to the teens and why. All that happen before and after has no bearing on the article.
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You make some interesting points here, though I would have to disagree with some. For example, in The New York Times story "States Ponder Laws to Keep Web Predators From Children," you seem to take to limited a view of what the story should do. While concentrating on the proposed laws is indeed vital to the story, doing so would lose sight of several other issues being raised. One would be that while the attorney generals think the laws are good, not everyone does, particularly the state senator who plans to fight the Connecticut legislation. Also, this piece being riddled with misspellings and other errors detracts from what you are saying. The same is true of the New York Post story, "No Mercy For Shot Girl: Terrified Kid, 12, Sent Into Gunfight." While it would have been great if the paper had included more on the person who wouldn't let the girl into the courtyard, there were several other issues here. One being, what was a 12 year old girl doing out at 3 a.m.? Inn addition, while confirmation on the gang angle would be good, it is necessary to include the previous altercations because apparently parties at that particular apartment have been an ongoing problem. The Daily News said it was where a wanna-be cop was shot. I would think people in that building or in nearby buildings would be concerned about such parties and would hope that the history of the place might lead the police or someone to do something about the situation.
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